Q: I was wondering how you knew you were a femdom and how your sub knew? I’m attracted to a lot of things I see on here but it’s never consistent and I can’t figure out what my “role” is. (via Black BDSM ask)
A: Roles are just labels describing things kinky folk do (often stereotypically), so don’t feel like you have to fit in the confines of a role in order to pick a place to start exploring. The role you choose should reflect you, not define or limit you.
When I first started, I didn’t have a role. I gravitated toward the things I liked and tried a bit of this and that with my then switch boyfriend. In fact, it took me years to lean into dominance because I’d recoiled from most of what I’d seen of femdoms.