Photography by Jesse Flanagan, Model & MUA/H- Dolly Vicious

Nine Inch Nails | Sunspots | My current fave NIN tune

My life, it seems, has taken a turn
Why in the name of God would I ever want to return?
Peel off our skins; we’re gonna burn what we were to the ground
Fuck in the fire, and we’ll spread all the ashes around
I want to kill away the rest of what’s left, and I do…yes, I do

She turns me on
She makes it real
I have to apologize for the way I feel

But nothing can stop me now!
There is nothing to fear
And everything I’d ever want is inside of here

Know your role…or not. Do you.


Q: I was wondering how you knew you were a femdom and how your sub knew? I’m attracted to a lot of things I see on here but it’s never consistent and I can’t figure out what my “role” is. (via Black BDSM ask)

A: Roles are just labels describing things kinky folk do (often stereotypically), so don’t feel like you have to fit in the confines of a role in order to pick a place to start exploring. The role you choose should reflect you, not define or limit you.

When I first started, I didn’t have a role. I gravitated toward the things I liked and tried a bit of this and that with my then switch boyfriend. In fact, it took me years to lean into dominance because I’d recoiled from most of what I’d seen of femdoms.

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Kelly Bundy & Mercy | Photographer: Jose Cuerra

Kelly Bundy & Mercy | Photographer: Jose Cuerra

Janet Jackson’s canvas in Jermaine Dupri’s ‘Gotta Getcha’ music video in ‘05

"I taste the good and bad in you and want them both."

Anita Ofokansi, Literary Sexts

We’re not alternative; we’re just drawn that way.


Q: What are somethings you do that are not about BDSM? I’m interested as to what your regular relationship is? (via Black BDSM ask)
A: Well, BDSM is a regular aspect of our life together. It’s less like we do kink in addition to our relationship and more like we are kinky together, if that makes sense. BDSM is only a convenient label to describe our shared energy and interests, the same way some couples describe themselves as adrenaline junkies or travel bugs. All the little things that would go into planning a rock climbing trip, such as training, maintaining gear, and spotting ideal locations in magazines, are habits and inclinations seamlessly woven into a person’s life. So it goes with our kink and even being queer. We don’t live in discreet chunks that are regular things, kinky things, and queer things. We just live.

The only time BDSM feels not regular is when we go to events because those feel staged, like the difference between being a cellist and being in an orchestra. Most of the time, my sub and I are just musicians riffing off each other’s crooked little tunes.

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You might be black and kinky if…


Hair bondage means tying you down so I can pick your afro.

Just wanted to say thanks for the anons some of you sent. Amid the fuckery—which is why I usually keep anon off—were some good questions. In fact, I’m going to use a few of them for my Q&A since I’m a bit short on questions for that. I didn’t even know I’d need help; yet, there it was.

I’ll begin answering questions tomorrow. Thanks, peeps.